Another Year, Another Birthday Party

Here are a few observations from my 40th birthday party.

In ten years there has been considerable turnover in my friends. Dan Kimmel was probably the only person at my 40th who had attended my 30th birthday party.

As I've changed my life, I've made new friends. I originally met Dan by dint of the fact that he went to college with the husband of my ex-wife's college roommate. By contrast, I met my new friends primarily through my new job (Oxfam America), my new church (Arlington Street Church), and my volunteer work with Amnesty International, CPPAX, and the US Campaign for Burma.

This party we finally disposed of our excess beer. Even when we host a potluck, we worry that we will run out of food or drink. So we make several dishes and pick a few beers. Then, of course, our friends bring many dishes and a wide selection of drinks. This time we were restrained at the liquor store but our friends drank us dry anyway. We now only have a couple of stray beers left in our fridge. However we still have too much wine.

I also had to dispose of my birthday cake. The cake Ann bought included chocolate cake stuffed with chocolate mousse and topped with chocolate fudge. We had an extra piece the next day but there was no way we could keep it in the house. So I brought it to work today and let my colleagues finish it off.

I'm looking forward to my next party. I'm blessed to know interesting people so it's fun to entertain. Therefore I'm holding another party on Thursday. We're going to eat pizza, drink left-over red wine, and mock Dubya's acceptance speech.

What's in a Word?

Or what linguists don't understand about politics.

A.Word.A.Day is arguing for an alternative to the term "military junta." It prefers the word "stratocracy." The argument goes like this:

With so many countries under military rule, why isn't this word better known? Go ahead, put it to use -- why use many words when a single word is available to describe something?

This is, of course, utter nonsense.

Ann pointed out why to me. "Military junta sounds so delightfully evil, while stratocracy sounds neutral," she remarked.

I can safely say that I will never refer to Burma's ruling regime as a "stratocracy." It's a cold term. It sounds as if it refers to an administration of expert technocrats. Is this a term that should be used to describe the economically-illiterate gang of generals who believe that arresting black market money changers will increase the value of Burma's currency against the dollar?

"Stratocracy" also fails to convey what generals do well: armed repression. Stratocracies don't sound as if they would even know how to torture and pillage.

Just for variety, I will sometimes substitute the word "regime" for "junta." If I want to be more exact, the right term is probably "military dictatorship."

"Junta" is the snappy term used best in speeches and on the radio. I often preface it with the adjective "brutal." It's a helpful intensifier.

"Stratocracy" will never catch on because it fails as an appropriate epithet for the kind of generals that rule Burma today or ruled Nigeria for most of the 1990s.

Why use one colorless term to criticize a regime, when you can use three loaded words to slam them properly for being a brutal military junta?

Birthday Gifts

For my birthday dinner, I asked Ann to surprise me by taking me to a new fancy restaurant.

So Ann met me after work and took me to Harvest in Harvard Square. There we ordered exactly the same meal. We had seared scallops with beans as an appetizer, wild salmon with green beans as an entree, and, of course, the chocolate dessert. After Ann told the server that it was my 40th, he made sure that my dessert plate included "happy birthday" etched in chocolate syrup.

Ann also bought me a new Palm PDA. It's a distinct upgrade from my ancient Casio. Not only will it connect easily with my contacts and schedule at work, it also contains a digital camera.

Expect more timely pictures on my blog in future....

Today I Turned 40

Today I turned 40 and I feel good about it.

Ten years ago, I felt good about hitting 30. At that time, I was married and gainfully employed in a "perfect" job that made a difference in the world. I even owned a condo. Life was good and I could not complain.

What I didn't realize in August 1994 was that I was in the midst of my first serious stress at work. Over the years, that turned into rolling bouts of burn-out. This exacerbated my neglect of my marriage and my life. I responded by further neglecting my friends and family and burrowing deeper into workaholism.

By 1998, I had left my marriage and sold my condo. By 2001, it proved to be time to leave my previously "perfect" job. I had lost everything that I thought gave me such satisfaction at 30.

Now I turn 40 very happy in my new job at Oxfam and my new relationship with Ann. In so many ways, my work and my love are much better for me now. Now I just have to find that perfect condo again.

But, more importantly, I'm not just happy with the changes in my life; I also feel grounded in my ability to handle life's inevitable changes.

Over the past ten years, my life has been at its rockiest but also its most satisfying. It's not what I predicted at 30. But I've grown in ways I would have never expected.

Here's to the next ten years. May they be eventful!

More on the Ring

Picking an engagement ring is tough. There are so many questions. For a young man who typically shops rarely and never for jewellery, it's quite a lunge into the deep end of life.

How much to spend? Our notional young man normally doesn't want to blow the bank. However, he doesn't to appear cheap either. The self-serving De Beers recommendation of spending several months salary on the diamond alone is enough to make anyone feel inadequate. This is his nightmare.

Young Man: Would you do me the honor of accepting this ring and marrying me?

Young Woman: With that little thing. No way! Get me a bigger rock. Make that three and don't do the cheap gold.

In my case, I decided to go mid-range. I knew that Ann did want a stylish ring. However, I was also pretty sure that she would prefer that I spend the extra thousands on a vacation to San Francisco, or even Africa or Asia.

The style of the ring is also a major consideration. Friends recommended white gold with a diamond. I also opted for a design both modern and simple. Again, my experience of Ann's tastes indicated that she'd prefer a more elegant but unobtrusive ring.

Finally, there were political considerations. As an active volunteer leader in Amnesty USA's Corporate Action Network, I am compelled to avoid buying any conflict diamonds. In addition, at Oxfam America I work on our No Dirty Gold campaign.

After discussion of my engagement ring buying in our Gold Campaign meeting, I decided to buy a "previously-mined" gold ring. That has the advantage of not contributing to the 20 tons of toxic waste created from the production of just one gold ring. In addition, simply by the fact that a "previously-mined" ring is also by definition a second-hand ring, I probably saved money that Ann and I can use for that vacation.

Ann seems very happy with the ring. I'm glad my choice appears to have hit the spot.

She Said Yes

Today, after the service, I suggested that Ann and I climb up the spire of my church.

After Ann had rung out "Morning Has Broken" on the church bells, we went further up the rickety wooden steps past the clock face and to the viewing platform above. From there, we could look down on the Boston Gardens on one side and the Back Bay on the other.

I'd planned this for several weeks. I went down on one knee, held out a diamond ring, and asked Ann if she would do the honor of marrying me.

She said yes.